“Forgive us our debts…”
The section of prayer we are looking at this week is “forgive us our debts.” It may appear out of place to begin by relating what I perceived as another’s debt to me, but it is what God used to teach me a lesson about true forgiveness.
I had walked with the Lord for many years and loved Him so much, even when I did not understand certain events in my life. One day, as I prayed through yet another time of seeking God but not sensing closeness with Him, my thoughts were interrupted. There was a knowing in my spirit that I was upset. The “knowing” was really of being angry but I quickly changed the word to upset. I am a Christian after all, and Christian’s do not get angry, or so I thought. It became painfully obvious to me that I did not realize what was in my own heart. Jeremiah 17:9 states: “The heart is deceitful above all things’ and desperately wicked; who can know it?” It is religion, not relationship, which causes us to think we stop having certain emotions just because we are Christians.
Allow me to share what happened at this point. I began to argue in my mind that I was not angry. Here I was disputing with the Maker of Heaven and Earth, the One who knit me together, and knew all about me – better than I know myself. Yes, I did! And not just once either, but several times, just in case He did not quite understand me. My thoughts went something like this: “I am not angry. What do You mean, angry? I am happy. I don’t have bad feelings towards anyone.”
Then it happened – a name came to my mind. What? I was really getting confused! The person was someone who had wronged my husband. God’s filing system had just messed up and that wrong was definitely supposed to be filed under the other guy’s name! I noticed how intensely thoughts were coming into my mind. I could not believe that God was saying I needed to forgive him. He is the one who needed to ask us for forgiveness. What is going on, Lord?
My emotions were all over the place. Then I finally settled down and the Lord revealed to me that I had not forgiven this person in my heart. It really had nothing to do with what he had done; it had everything to do with how I responded to the offense when it came. With the Lord, it always comes back to the issues of the heart.
Here is where we find the great “aha” moment. Why did the Lord put “forgive us” and immediately afterwards added “as we forgive others.” OUCH! Looking back, it is simple for me to see how I wanted to be cleared of all wrong. I wanted God’s blessings and love in my life. As He took me to this passage of scripture it was plain to see receiving my forgiveness would cost me something. The cost to forgive seemed a high price to me. I realized I would have to be willing to choose to lay down my reasons for not forgiving this person. Had the gospel become just a ritual in my life? The basic foundation of Christianity is to receive forgiveness from the Father, and to forgive others through His love. It is a simple concept, but not always easy to practice!
Next week: What forgiveness is and what it is not
