What forgiveness is and what it is not…
“As we forgive our debtors”
“As we forgive our debtors” immediately follows “forgive us our debts.” The truth that receiving my forgiveness is directly connected to my forgiveness of others is not something I like. God knows me and He knows that I am not a bad person. (“There is a way that seems right to man but the end thereof is death.” Pr. 14:12; 16:25 NKJV) Most of us like to think we are good; after all, there are a lot of wonderful things we do, and lots of terrible things we do not do! We plainly see the speck in our brother’s eye while being blinded by the plank in our own eye.
As I said in last week’s blog, forgiveness is a simple concept to understand mentally but it is not always an easy thing to do. In the course of life, we usually do what works for us – what we know to do or what has been taught to us. What’s “working for us” can have long-term negative effects. I gave little thought to how unforgiveness was affecting my relationship with God and others, or how it was ultimately affecting me. Becoming aware of the change in my closeness with the Lord opened the door for Him to reveal what was in my heart. I began to see how my relationship with the Father depended on my desire to seek Him and obey Him.
Let’s get back to the story of what was, for me, God’s lesson on forgiveness. The hurt and pain I felt about the wrong done, whether perceived or real, was still sealed in my heart. It was not only still there, but the longer I kept the resentment (not forgiving the offense) the more unforgiveness it was producing. Forrest Gump’s term would be “stupid is as stupid does.” In Proverbs 23:7, we read, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” (NKJV). What we dwell upon in our thoughts only reinforces either good or bad results. Therefore, unforgiveness can only produce more unforgiveness.
Sometimes when your hand is caught in the cookie jar, you really are not sorry you are taking the cookie; you are just sorry you got caught. This describes exactly how I felt when the Lord revealed that I was angry and had unforgiveness in my heart. In view of the scriptures being so plain, I knew that, as a Christian, I should forgive this man. My feelings hadn’t changed toward the person. I was still mad and hurt. At that point, I told God I was sorry in a real “alright, I will forgive him if that is what you want me to do, Lord,” kind of way. I felt pretty special and just knew God was proud of my spirituality at this point. What was surprising to me was that I felt such a release of pressure just because I chose to forgive.
I knew my closeness with God would be restored and I was a happy camper. This is when the lesson actually began. Forgiveness is not just saying “okay, I forgive this person.” It is forgiving, yes, but it is also releasing the offense, the hurt, and the person completely to the Lord.
The Lord wanted me to forgive the person every time his name or the hurt came to my mind. I thought, “Seriously, Father?” Before God exposed my unforgiveness, I didn’t even notice how often my thoughts went to the hurt. When my flesh finally settled down, I said “Alright, I will forgive as often as I think about him or the hurt. “ Immediately, my question to the Lord was, “How long do I have to do this?” His silence was deafening. I thought, surely not “seventy times seven?” (Mt. 18:22).
Forgiveness of others so God will forgive us is, and always will be, one of the main biblical principles for a good life. How badly did I want to live a good life? For me, the next few weeks were difficult, to say the least.
Next week: the rest of the story of forgiving our debtors.
